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첨삭 부탁드립니다!!

김한솔 | 조회 20 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.10
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer


▶ Topic : It is better to spend money for vacation and travel than to save it for your future.

▶ Your Answer :

 The majority of people in their early and mid-twenties think that saving money for the future is better. This notion, however, does not reflect the stance that I hold and should be thought in a different light. I believe that spending money for vacation and travel is better because it enables people to broaden their perspectives and enjoy a better quality of life.

 

 First, spending money for vacation and travel allows people to broaden perspectives. Interestingly, it has been a topic on various social network websites such as Twitter and Facebook where people hold different opinions. Initially, I thought that saving money for the future was better. However, after reading relevant tweet feeds, I realized that people could not broaden perspectives if they did not spend money for vacation and travel. This is because they would lacked the chances to experience many different countries' cultures. This was enough to change my initial thoughts and I learned that spending money for vacation and travel is better in order to broaden perspectives

 

  Second, spending money for vacation and travel allows people to enjoy a better quality of life. Interestingly, a renowned social scientist in Korea published an article in The Korean Herald last Tuesday, which claims that spending money for vacation and travel is better in order to enjoy a better quality of life. His study was particularly interesting because it supported my view. The article claimed that 62 percent of 200 Korean people preferred spending money for vacation and travel as the most preferred way of enjoying a better quality of life. This is because, as mentioned above students could not only broaden perspectives, but also could relax during their vacation time. I thought of this report because the results of the survey resonated with my thoughts.

  To sum up, It is better for people to develop many different skills for following reasons: broadening perspectives and enjoying a better quality of life. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated in that it can kill two birds with one stone for the reasons I have mentioned above.

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92137 [통합형] 첨삭부탁드립니다. 미리 감사합니다!! 읏쨔쨔 21 2017.01.12
92136 [통합형] 첨삭부탁드립니다. 감사해요 :) 읏쨔쨔 21 2017.01.12
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92130 [독립형] 잘 못하지만 첨삭 부탁드려요 ㅠㅠ!~! 80 18 2017.01.11
92129 [첨삭] 새해 복 많이 받으세요~ 따끔한 첨삭 부탁드려요~ 24plus 22 2017.01.11
92128 [독립형] 늘 큰 도움 주셔서 감사합니다. 첨삭 부탁드려요. histitch 29 2017.01.11
92127 [통합형] 통합형입니다. 따끔한 지적 달게 받겠습니다. Myoryeo 24 2017.01.11
92126 [독립형] 새해복 많이 받으시고 첨삭 감사드려요~ Myoryeo 18 2017.01.11
92125 [첨삭] 현우의도전12 곧시험입니다 감사합니다! 현우 19 2017.01.10
>> [첨삭] 첨삭 부탁드립니다!! 김한솔 20 2017.01.10
92123 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ FN-FAL 24 2017.01.10
92122 [독립형] 가르쳐주신대로 열심히 배우겠습니다. 잘부탁드립니다^^ 마지막노력 35 2017.01.10