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새해 복 많이 받으세요~ 따끔한 첨삭 부탁드려요~

24plus | 조회 126 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.11
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■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words.
■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading


▶ Topic : A budget deficit occurs when the government spends more than it taxes. To overcome this problem, the government needs to reduce the amount of money it pays. Which of the following do you think the government should decrease its spending on? 
- Park
- Art
- Public transit
Use specific reasons and examples to support your explanation.

▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who believe that government should decrease its spending on park and public transit. However, I personally disagree with the above idea for two subsequent reasons: gaining children responsibility and decreasing air pollution.

To begin with, government funding for park can help children gain a sense of responsibility. It is obvious that many sports clubs are held at park and participating the sports club requires children to have obligation such as abiding by rules or managing time schedule wisely. Through the consequences that arise from negligent action, the children can learn the importance of obligation. For example, my youngest brother, David, was very lazy and selfish. However, after he joined a baseball sport team which was opened at park nearby home, he started to change slightly more and more. He realized his laziness through the baseball team and even encourage other team members who seemed to be goofing around. He learned a way to be more responsible to avoid unnecessary hardship. In this sense, he learned the importance of responsibility through baseball sports team, playing at the park.

Moreover, government spending on public transportation will play a significant role in reducing air pollution. It is obvious that use of public transportation can decrease the number of car drivers as well as reduce the gas emission. When government and individuals take responsibility and actions to decrease activities related to gas emission, they can solve pollution problem. For instance, Guri, a city in the Republic of Korea, make public transportation fee as a free in order to increase the use of public transit. As a result, a large number of people used public transportation such as bus, subway, or train and it reduce gas emission. In this regard, the air pollution problem in the city was solved quite quickly. 

In conclusion, I strongly believe that government spend less money on art due to not only helping children to gain a responsibility, but also decreasing air pollution. 
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>> [첨삭] 새해 복 많이 받으세요~ 따끔한 첨삭 부탁드려요~ 24plus 127 2017.01.11
92137 답글 [첨삭] RE:새해 복 많이 받으세요~ 따끔한 첨삭 부탁드려요~ 68 2017.01.20
92136 [독립형] 늘 큰 도움 주셔서 감사합니다. 첨삭 부탁드려요. histitch 135 2017.01.11
92135 답글 [독립형] RE:늘 큰 도움 주셔서 감사합니다. 첨삭 부탁드려요. [1] 78 2017.01.20
92134 [통합형] 통합형입니다. 따끔한 지적 달게 받겠습니다. Myoryeo 135 2017.01.11
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92128 [첨삭] 첨삭 부탁드립니다!! 김한솔 129 2017.01.10
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92121 답글 [독립형] RE:가르쳐주신대로 열심히 배우겠습니다. 잘부탁드립니다^^ 빗방울 112 2017.01.18
92120 [통합형] 가르쳐주신대로 열심히 배우겠습니다. 잘부탁드립니다^^ 마지막노력 103 2017.01.10
92119 답글 [통합형] RE:가르쳐주신대로 열심히 배우겠습니다. 잘부탁드립니다^^ 빗방울 104 2017.01.18