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처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요

sunjhi03 | 조회 93 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.12
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer


▶ Topic :Television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects on children's behavior.

▶ Your Answer :


        Opinions might be divided over whether television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects. People of various ages and from different walks of life may take divers positions on this controversial issue. Nevertheless, we cannot deny the fact that television does affect kids with lots of negative sides. So, I side with the perspective that they affect children's behavior seriously.

        First of all, they can lead to risky behavior. Some people who in opposite side of my perspective say that many programs of TV or movies include educational factors or contain some lessons. Advocates' claims may sound reasonable enough on the surface. However, anyone in opposite side can't deny that there are too many sensational things for children. They are too young to expose to that. They often cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy. I have a personal example supporting my oppinion. A few weeks ago, I had a chance to read an article in the Dong- A Daily News that is related to the topic. It said about a child who died while imitating a movie stunt. We all know many heros in movies like spiderman, superman or betman must be an idol for children and now we can't contradict it can lead kids to terrible risk.

        In addition, It can bring about moral confusion. TV and movies lack clear sense of right and wrong. We often see heroes on TV engage in illegal activities to catch criminals. I can say an observation about this. This observation was conducted by Seoul National University psycology researchers with 500 children and found that 80% of the children became more violent after saw an hero movie. This clearly confirm that it bing children about moral confusion.

        As mentioned above, based on the previous example and an observation related to the topic, I can conclude that it will be a wiser choice to avoid children to watch TV or movies too much.

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92176 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 부탁드립니다. vine 38 2017.01.21
92175 [첨삭] 첨삭해주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다!! 하늘 88 2017.01.12
92174 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭해주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다!! vine 49 2017.01.21
92173 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 부탁드립니다. vine 33 2017.01.21
92172 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다! 감사합니다. happylee 85 2017.01.12
92171 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다! 감사합니다. vine 35 2017.01.21
92170 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭#2 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 86 2017.01.12
92169 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭#2 부탁드립니다. vine 37 2017.01.21
92168 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭 #1 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 85 2017.01.12
92167 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 #1 부탁드립니다. 빗방울 37 2017.01.22
92166 [독립형] 현우의도전14 첨삭부탁드립니다! 현우 93 2017.01.12
92165 답글 [독립형] RE:현우의도전14 첨삭부탁드립니다! 빗방울 25 2017.01.22
92164 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ FN-FAL 79 2017.01.12
92163 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ 빗방울 27 2017.01.22
92162 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^ chae 79 2017.01.12
92161 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^ 빗방울 26 2017.01.22
>> [첨삭] 처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요 sunjhi03 94 2017.01.12
92159 답글 [첨삭] RE:처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요 빗방울 21 2017.01.22
92158 [통합형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다 ^^ (도배죄송해요!! ㅠㅠ) 읏쨔쨔 95 2017.01.12
92157 답글 [통합형] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다 ^^ (도배죄송해요!! ㅠㅠ) 빗방울 38 2017.01.21