▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that it is better not to experience several jobs before acquiring a long-term job. However, in my opinion, there should be more emphasis on going through many different jobs rather than focusing on few jobs.There are two reasons: first, experiences from many jobs can be a great help to a long-term job later. Second, if people do not have sustain many experiences in other fields, companies should will spend a lot of time and money to offer a job training for train educating them.
First of all, people can utilize many different experiences when committing to a long-term job which had taken from vareities of fields to one field. So, what we learned through preserving several jobs can become a great resource to a long-term job. I believe this experience is one of the most essential factors of success in this world. Imagine people only have textbook knowledge. Their views will be so narrow. By experiencing lots of different jobs and acquiring some practical experience, people cannot only gain diverse experience but also broaden their horizon of the world. For example, when I was a freshmen, I worked as a exhibition guide in an art museum for a while. I could handle most of problems when I was working but I could not deal well with the problem that returning people from outside who wanted only a bathroom in the museum, not an exhibition. (Unclear point) Due to the fact that they watched me bluntly and hassled when I had to say 'sorry' to them. However, with the experience I got from working at a convenient store, I decided to refuse their requirements politely with a big smile. So I was able to solve this problem and not much of people complained about me.
Second, companies should train their employees must educate people for a long time if he has only a few job experience. Of course, it will be great to work in a one field for years. However I think that people who have worked at many different fields will do tasks more faster and definitely. If you waste time by teaching and correcting people who make mistakes frequently because of lack of experience, will time wait for you? The answer will be no. In the world we live in, time is gold. Since we cannot turn time back, we must reduce risks in a business faster and keep going by investing to a person who have lots of experience. For an example, a study was conducted by recruiting sites in Korea to determine whether experiences from different jobs could affect a long-term job later. (Awkward sentence, how affect?) There were two groups monitored. The first group was formed of people who didn't have much job experiences. They were asked to take tests to measure the level of efficiency of task and the performance ability. The other group consisted of people who had many different jobs before and were given the same direction. The researcher compared the outcomes and recorded that the people who had many job experiences were able to do complete many different the tasks in a work better than the group who didn't have many. The reason was that people with many job experiences process their work with their experiences and rememberances before. (Wrong sentence) So they could can handle their work more faster and accurately flexible.
To sum up, experiencing from many fields will be a great asset for next long-term job and there will little time to spend on. In this regard, I firmly believe that people have to try out many different jobs before applying for a long-term job.
채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence | 점수 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | Score | Fair 17-19 | 어색하거나 잘못된 어휘사용이 많은 편이에요. 동사가 제외되어 있는 문장들도 종종 보이구요. 핵심 예시가 서술되어 있기 보다는 불필요한 미사여구가 많이 보이기 때문에, 이 부분 특히 유의해서 다시 작성해보세요.
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