라이팅 게시판

토플에세이도 쓰고 평가도 해보며, 여러분들의 의견을 주고 받는 곳입니다.

홈으로가기 HOME > TOEFL > 토플정보 > 라이팅 게시판

처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요

sunjhi03 | 조회 24 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.12
  • 글꼴
  • 확대
  • 축소

■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer


▶ Topic :Television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects on children's behavior.

▶ Your Answer :


        Opinions might be divided over whether television and movies have more negative effects than positive effects. People of various ages and from different walks of life may take divers positions on this controversial issue. Nevertheless, we cannot deny the fact that television does affect kids with lots of negative sides. So, I side with the perspective that they affect children's behavior seriously.

        First of all, they can lead to risky behavior. Some people who in opposite side of my perspective say that many programs of TV or movies include educational factors or contain some lessons. Advocates' claims may sound reasonable enough on the surface. However, anyone in opposite side can't deny that there are too many sensational things for children. They are too young to expose to that. They often cannot tell the difference between reality and fantasy. I have a personal example supporting my oppinion. A few weeks ago, I had a chance to read an article in the Dong- A Daily News that is related to the topic. It said about a child who died while imitating a movie stunt. We all know many heros in movies like spiderman, superman or betman must be an idol for children and now we can't contradict it can lead kids to terrible risk.

        In addition, It can bring about moral confusion. TV and movies lack clear sense of right and wrong. We often see heroes on TV engage in illegal activities to catch criminals. I can say an observation about this. This observation was conducted by Seoul National University psycology researchers with 500 children and found that 80% of the children became more violent after saw an hero movie. This clearly confirm that it bing children about moral confusion.

        As mentioned above, based on the previous example and an observation related to the topic, I can conclude that it will be a wiser choice to avoid children to watch TV or movies too much.

글쓰기 답변 수정 삭제 목록으로 퍼가기▼
  • 페이스북으로 보내기
  • 트위터로 보내기
  • URL 복사

92,251개(6/4613페이지)
라이팅 게시판
번호 제목 글쓴이 조회수 날짜
92151 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다! 감사합니다. happylee 19 2017.01.12
92150 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭#2 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 21 2017.01.12
92149 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭 #1 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 20 2017.01.12
92148 [독립형] 현우의도전14 첨삭부탁드립니다! 현우 29 2017.01.12
92147 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ FN-FAL 1 2017.01.12
92146 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^ chae 21 2017.01.12
>> [첨삭] 처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요 sunjhi03 25 2017.01.12
92144 [통합형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다 ^^ (도배죄송해요!! ㅠㅠ) 읏쨔쨔 34 2017.01.12
92143 [통합형] 토플 라이팅 공부는 첨 해봐요. 꼭 첨삭해주세요!!! +_+ 읏쨔쨔 33 2017.01.12
92142 [통합형] 첨삭부탁드립니다. 미리 감사합니다!! 읏쨔쨔 21 2017.01.12
92141 [통합형] 첨삭부탁드립니다. 감사해요 :) 읏쨔쨔 22 2017.01.12
92140 [통합형] 통합형 첨삭 부탁드려요. 감사합니다. Myoryeo 32 2017.01.12
92139 [독립형] 내년 크리스마스는 행복하실거에요. 첨삭 감사드립니다. Myoryeo 29 2017.01.12
92138 [첨삭] 현우의도전13 첨삭 정말 감사해요! 현우 31 2017.01.11
92137 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다 ^^ chae 24 2017.01.11
92136 [독립형] 저번토플 템플릿썼는데 리밋나왔던사람이에요 ㅠㅠ 첨삭 온정의 손길 부탁드립... 라이팅화이팅 34 2017.01.11
92135 [독립형] 잘 못하지만 첨삭 부탁드려요 ㅠㅠ!~! 80 19 2017.01.11
92134 [첨삭] 새해 복 많이 받으세요~ 따끔한 첨삭 부탁드려요~ 24plus 22 2017.01.11
92133 [독립형] 늘 큰 도움 주셔서 감사합니다. 첨삭 부탁드려요. histitch 30 2017.01.11
92132 [통합형] 통합형입니다. 따끔한 지적 달게 받겠습니다. Myoryeo 25 2017.01.11