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첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^

chae | 조회 106 | 추천 0
  • 2017.01.12
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■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words.
■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer


▶ Topic :Some people prefer to spend their free time outdoors. Others prefer to spend their leisure time indoors. Would you prefer to be outside or would you prefer to be inside for your leisure activities?

▶ Your Answer :


    In contemporary society, how to spend leisure time became one of the most important issues people talk about as the average income level has increased compared to the past. In my case, I prefer to spend my free time outdoors than to stay indoors. Not only outdoor activities allow me to get more sunlight but also it enables me to explore the city where I live in. 

    First of all, spending free time outside provides me more opportunities to be exposed to the sunlight. Today, many people tend to spend most of their day indoors such as in class rooms and offices doing their busy works. According to a study conducted by Korea university, about 60 percent of Korean people suffer from Vitamin D deficiency and the main reason has been revealed as lack of exposure to the sun. Sunlight is essential for our health, as it prevents vitamin D deficiency and depression. In line with this, I would rather spend my free time outside doing fun activities under the sun, getting enough sunshine. 

    Secondly, staying outdoors gives me chance to explore my city where I live in. My city Seoul is full of exciting events and good outdoor sports facilities such as green parks and hiking courses. Even though I have lived in this city more than 10 years, I have not yet fully discovered what my city has to offer me because I am fairly busy all the time. During my leisure time is only when I can walk around the city and enjoy various activities and events on the streets and public parks.

    In conclusion, I prefer to spend my free time outdoors than stay indoors. This is because I can get more sunlight which is essential and walk around to discover my city by spending my leisure time outdoors.
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92178 답글 [독립형] RE:열심히 수정하며 배우고 있습니다. 감사합니다. 첨삭 부탁 드려요. [1] vine 69 2017.01.21
92177 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ FN-FAL 105 2017.01.12
92176 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ vine 70 2017.01.21
92175 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 부탁드립니다. vine 63 2017.01.21
92174 [첨삭] 첨삭해주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다!! 하늘 121 2017.01.12
92173 답글 [첨삭] RE:첨삭해주신다면 정말 감사하겠습니다!! vine 65 2017.01.21
92172 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 부탁드립니다. vine 49 2017.01.21
92171 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다! 감사합니다. happylee 137 2017.01.12
92170 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다! 감사합니다. vine 60 2017.01.21
92169 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭#2 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 114 2017.01.12
92168 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭#2 부탁드립니다. vine 62 2017.01.21
92167 [첨삭] 독립형 첨삭 #1 부탁드립니다. rachel_toefl100 101 2017.01.12
92166 답글 [첨삭] RE:독립형 첨삭 #1 부탁드립니다. 빗방울 59 2017.01.22
92165 [독립형] 현우의도전14 첨삭부탁드립니다! 현우 117 2017.01.12
92164 답글 [독립형] RE:현우의도전14 첨삭부탁드립니다! 빗방울 56 2017.01.22
92163 [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ FN-FAL 106 2017.01.12
92162 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드려요. 고맙습니다 ^^ 빗방울 44 2017.01.22
>> [독립형] 첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^ chae 107 2017.01.12
92160 답글 [독립형] RE:첨삭 부탁드립니다. 감사합니다 ^^ 빗방울 48 2017.01.22
92159 답글 [첨삭] RE:처음 글 올려요! 첨삭 부탁드려요 빗방울 44 2017.01.22