▶ Your Answer :
Many people believe that face-to-face communication is better than
other modes of communication. However, I strongly disagree with the statement.
The man-to-man face to face (man to
man이라는 표현은 자주 쓰지 않습니다.) conversation can lead to bad results. And there are several
reasons for feedback on my opinion.
First, the one-to-one conversation requires many things. In order to
for the man-to-man
face to face conversation to succeed, a lot of things are required. What I mean is that, a years
ago, when I was going to meet my friends, I did not arrive at the appointment place because of
traffic jams. Also, when I fought with my best friend, there were more worst
worse situations, talking face-to-face. (talking face to face가 worse
situation이라는 말인가요? 문장이 어색합니다) Then, when I came back home, I sent an e-mail to my friend after I organized
my thoughts. After that, we could become a good friends once more. And when I went to school, I
was very a shy student in my major class. So, it was hard time to for me asking to to ask questions to my professor
directly. However, I always received a high grade because though sending
e-mails. (e-mail을 보내서 높은 성적을 받았다기 보단, 이메일로
통해서 교수님이랑 원활한 소통이 되었다 라고 해주시면 더 논리적으로 좋을 것 같아요.)
Second, it can be more convenient communication became possible through the development by developing of technology.
There are several methods that can be are convenient though the internet, such as online-chatting and using e-mail. For
example, according to a survey, (conducted by whom?) many people more prefer the methods using telephone
calls or sending e-mails than talking face to face. the man-to-man
conversation. The big main reason is that it is because the other party can do other things while talking to the person at the same time. two things, talking with others. The second reason is that since time is gold, they do not have to spend
their own time. (자신의 시간을 쓰지 않는다는 말인가요? 그럼 누구의 시간을 쓰는거죠?) The cellphone makes it possible to talk as if people are by the side. For instants,
instance, there is the mobile phone which is technology used by most of the people. most using technology for people. Especially, like text message
can choose discreetly than one-to-one communication Text messages allow discrete communication
between two people. Also, the up-to-date technology
communication is used in the
business like companies. When workers present the presentation for their
boss, the workers can conduct a meeting more easily. According to a research
investigation, (by whom? On what?) when people progressing in front of many people, it was able to
get better effect using the development of technology machine. People were able to get better effects
through the development of technology when they had to present in front of many
people. (문법 오류가 너무 많아요. 전체적으로 문법 연습을
차근차근 하시는 걸 추천 드립니다.)
By developing the technology, the skills are growing and also
people too. The development of technology allowed the constant growth of skills
and people. The Telephone
calls(cellphone), online-chatting and e-mail can reduce the unnecessary
things, (what are the unnecessary things?) and these ways can be more convenient for many people. For these
reasons, I think that the
one-to-one face to face communication is not better than other forms of
communication.
Writing 0-30 Score Scale Score: 4 (Limited)
Overall Comment: 전체적으로 문법 오류가 너무 많습니다. 수의 일치든, 동사 형태 및 문장 구조부터 시작해서 기본적인 문법을 연습하시는 걸 추천 드려요.
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