비번: 1234!!
안녕하세요.
첨삭부탁드리기 전에 제가 한 번더 꼼꼼히 최대한 오타와 문법이 없는지 지금 제 실력 내에서 판단해서 정리해서 올렸습니다.
조금이라도 첨삭하는 데에 수월하실 수 있게요.
첨삭 어떠한 도움이라도 감사히 받겠습니다.
많은 도움이 될거에요.
글을 쓰다보니 단어수가 많이 늘어났는데 글을 좀 더 축약해서 줄여 쓰는 연습을 해야겠습니다. ㅠ
■ Direction You have 20 minutes to plan and write your response. You response will be judge on the basis of The quality of writing and on how well your response presents the points in the lecture and the relationship to the reading passage. Typically, an effective response will be 150 to 225 words. ■ Question Summarize the points made in the lecture you just heard, explaining how they cast doubt on the points made in the reading
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▶ Topic : Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? <Getting advice from older adults is better than advice from peers>
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▶ Your Answer :
We sometimes have problems to decide something difficult and try to get helps or advices from others. As a young person who have struggles in most of the things, I would say 'Go to older adults and find hints to solve them' because they have a lot of things beneficial for us. I would explain the reason for it.
First, normally, adults are more experienced than young people. I would not say they are more 'wiser' than us. I mean they have expericed more than us and failed at or succeded in a lot of things. In other words, they have huge information than us. So they can give us more valuable advices to us. They can give several paths or options to make decision that we might not be able to figure out. For example, to get better jobs, young people may think of just learing skills that are need in works. But older adults may recommend studying more and getting higher degree.
Secondly, because of the reason above, they can give advices objectivily. They know the reality better than young people. So they don't say the world is a fairy tale or 'You can achieve anything if you just try hard and do your best' etc. So we can see the bad or good situation at the same time. I'll let you know my story. When I visited one of my professors to get help to decide a major and a program for master degree, he suggested wholly different major from what I thought of. He said if I choose the major that I want to sutdy, I would not have good chances to work in the field later. I never thought in such way. So it was very helpful to me. Imagine that we ask advices from one of my friends or peers. Unless they are really familliar with us, they would just say kind words to cheer us out. So they are not helpful in the end.
Thirdly, we can get not only advices but other sources from adults . Being experienced, they know much more people in the filed or in schools who are professionals in something. So adults may contact them and let us call them or meet to get another advices from them. I'll give my experience once more. When I visited my professor, he introduced me one of his students that I don't know but who is working in the filed that I am interested in. I was suprised that I never imagined that I could talk to someone in the field. If I didn't visit him, I would never listend bad and good sides of the career that I am interested in.
If we have great friends or peers who have experienced as much as alduts, we can definitly get help from them but it is rare to have such peers. So basically going to elder people is much efficent and effective for young people to find keys or answers to deal with their problems.
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