▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, to take taking lessons wisely (How wisely?) is important in students’
school days. Some people think that students should take as many lessons as
possible during a semester, while others do not believe this way. Both sides have their own
reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that
it is better to focus only on three or four lessons during a semester. There
are several reasons as follows.
First of all, when students focus on three or four
lessons, they can feel a greater sense of achievement. With three or four
lessons, they can spend more time on understanding and memorizing classroom
materials, which makes them confident about themselves. (Confident in what ways?)Higher confidence is
likely to prevent them from feeling powerless and inferior to others. For
example, when my sister was in high school, she often felt depressed thinking
that her life became an exhausting routine. Even though she spent the whole
time on studying all academic subjects, it was not easy to improve her scores
on exam because she took too many lessons to review what she learned every day.
Fortunately, she could get over such feelings of powerless feelings after she changed her
school. The new school allowed students to take three lessons during a semester
if they wanted. (Previous school didn't allow this?) She concentrated on what she learned and had a better result in
her final exam. She started to maintain a good behavior by raising her scores
in school. (Awkward sentence) This implies that taking proper amount of lessons is the key to
success, academically and professionally.
Additionally, taking three or four lessons during a
semester can lead to success in their career. (Make it specific) As the society is becoming
competitive, a job market requires job candidates with professionalism. If
students focus on three or four lessons that are related to their special
academic fields, they are likely to be competitive in finding jobs. For
example, recently Columbia University Research Team found a huge difference between
two groups of young adults. One group was composed of those who took three or
four lessons during senior semester, focusing on their major fields, and the
other group was made up of those who took more than four lessons including
sports and music class. The researchers found out that the former was more
likely to have a higher employment rate than the latter. (Why's that?) In particular, the
first group tended to have a higher score on interview that is related to their
major fields and finished their project work much faster and more accurately during the internship
period. (Mention it before) Without taking only three or four lessons focusing on their major, they
would have fallen behind.
All things considered, I strongly believe that the
advantage of taking three or four lessons during a semester is greater than
that of taking many lessons, for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in
all, the importance of taking proper amount of lessons cannot be overestimated
in the pursuit of success in life.
채점기준표
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Grammar
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Contents
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Example
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Coherence
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점수
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3
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3
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2
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2
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Score
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Fair 17-19
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after changing school로 자신감을 얻었다는 입장과 주제문엔 taking several courses가 어떤 관련이 있는지 설명해주셔야 합니다. 단순히 성공으로 이끌었다는 두 번째 논지는 arguable하기 때문에 보다 상세하게 풀어 나타내주셔야 합니다.
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